Давным-давно один товарищ на тру-SR форуме DumpShock запустил серию постов Redneck Runs, посвященную ну соооовсем не классическим миссиям по Shadowrun.

Наткнулся я на этот угар совсем недавно, и один ран просто сразу запал мне в душу, да так, что я аж решИлся снова поводить. Ересь.

Оригинальный текст предложенного забега вот (всего страничка, очень просто, даже неангломаны осилят)

А вот что получилось у меня по итогам проведённой миссии по Dark Heresy
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ВНИМАНИЕ!!! Прочитаете сначала оригинал — будет минимум в два раза смешнее!!!
//
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I kindly ask to forgive my grammar and style as English is not my native language))

QUOTE (Koekepan @ Feb 20 2014, 09:53 AM) *
All I ask in return is after action reports. That way we can all be better GMs.

Maybe I'm writing it not so soon, but the game itself was really fast and ugly!

Well… I ran the mission adjusted to DH campaign last sunday.

Just a small side mission that turned out into something… something.

The Group was on a backwater world — their spaceship was damaged and waiting for delivery of some rare part from a nearby industrial planet. In the spaceport they heard a rumor of a lumberjack, who complained on voices in his head. He said he heard them after he had worked for some time in a specific area — area 241.

Lumber from that specific area was delivered to the spaceport by sea once a year in a large trawler “Vulpa Veritas”. Then it was picked by a passing by merchant space ship and then delivered to some gentry-planets, where fletchers created masterpieces of wood-carving or just ceilings out of it. Just for some extra thrill and to kill some time (and possibly, extra heretics) the Group gathered everything they might need (survival gear, gasmasks, weapons, armour and ammo) and headed to the seaport.

It was the rain-season so the trip was quite rough. In the sea they encountered the trawler spoken above. It was nailed to a shoal right near delta of the river, by which it travelled to the chopping area. From the trawler latrine they got a SOS signal and decided to board. Being pretty experienced they equipped with bolters, torches, flash-bangs, polarized googols, smoke grenades and gasmasks they entered the bridge of the ship.

At least they tried to. It was locked from the inside. After breaking the door they found the captain, who had destroyed the controls and killed himself outlandishly – covered himself in ship fuel and light it up. In the board journal the only words that survived the flames were “I deny such an end”. They proceeded to the cargo hold. All they found there were some dead bodies but they definitely didn’t like the way those people died – killing each other in really gore-some ways just a couple of days ago. Not really willing to step in someone’s teeth-torn apdomen, the Group moved in the direction of the latrine.

Then they noticed something… None of them was sure what or who it was, but – just in case — bullets started flying… And bolter “bullets” – that’s something that thin cargohold walls are not gonna endure. They hit the fuel tank and had about 30 seconds to get to the latrine, find a living integrated-filter-breathing clancking thech-adept there, jump to the sand-beach. And run away. Really fast. After several explosions the trawler burned with all possible clues. And lumber))

//As it had been planed)//

The tech adept’s version of events was clear: illness, mutiny, fight, he took cover, the ship stranded, the door jammed and he had no tools to rip it open – ha was in the very beginning of the mechanicus evolution chain.

They got back to their ship, sailed up the river to the area 241, where, according to the rumors, a month ago or so one of the lumberjacks heard some voices. They got into the woodchoppers’ hut and found the majority of the workers missing. Locals saw the tech-man and thought them to be representatives of mechanicus, who recently were hired by the landlord to increase the rate of wood-cutting, as a large part of the workers got ill and were sent to the hospital with the last visit of “Vulps Veritas”. So the locals, drunk, some of them already hearing voices as well, attacked the group. It’s a miracle, how much fuss a man with a flamethrower can do in a wooden hut))) Pure intimidation was enough.

Of course, some of the lumberjacks turned out to be badly ill – their lungs were corrupted with an unknown (to the group surgeon) bacteria or worse. The others were more than willing to show the way to the tech-priests’ and their lumber-servitors’ site or to the current wood-cutting area. The Group chose the second option. Not even bothering to eat or drink as nobody wanted to put the mask off.

When they got to the point they found a tech-priest and his servitors cutting the wood and some local tribesmen intently watching them. The tribesmen didn’t like the “dead in the woods” and thought servitors were the reason for spirits of the forest to curse the lumberjacks and the tribesmen by cerebral illness and insanity. Sort investigation in the traditions of the tribesmen proved their cult of The Great Emperor Galactic Star Tree legit and approved by all Imperial standards.

So they took samples of water, soil and samples of wood — by sawing up a trunk. That’s when they found that the majority of trees only seemed healthy, being rotten deep inside in the middle of the trunks – unnoticeably to the eyes of wood-cutters. And what if a year supply of this planet was delivered to different highly populated planets???..

//my mistake – I tried to leave in only on a local level, so it shouldn’t have been about interstellar lumber export, it would better have been some kind of local county or planet-government villas matter//

They applied to the local mechanicus in order to find the means of learning, for how long was this bacteria active, what is its incubation period in trees and in humans, is id infectious through human means or only through trees… Mechanicus promised to study the matted urgently. Then they applied to the planet government, secretly informing it about spread of trees and men disease in the area 241. Government was more concerned about future of their export income. At that time their ship had received the parts and had finished the repair procedures. They returned to the sheep.

The Group thought for a while…

There was no chance to learn about all the areas where the mushroom or bacteria was active without the government’s help.
They considered government to be too greedy to reveal true information, especially if the scale was wide.

Mechanicus finished the research and came to the conclusion that the disease was the result of a mushroom – some rare variation of a mushroom spread in the area 241 of the tropical-subtropical part of the planet (about 10 000 000 acres); it was dangerous to people but did not spread from human to human, and it was vulnerable to cold. Its incubation period was about one year with faster passing in case of constant presence of the cause. The only thing they could not understand – if it was a mutation of some local flora, extraterrestrial microorganism or genetically tailored weapon.

The group said “Sorry!” to the planet government, evacuated the mechanicus from the area 241 of the forest belt, gave a week to evacuate other woodcutters, took into consideration approximate speed of the mushroom spreading… And zapped the area of 100 000 000 acres from the orbit by macrobatteries and lance fire!

Hoo-ba-doo-ba-doo, amigos!!!

The ashe clouds raised and covered both hemispheres’ sky causing too-big-camp-fir winter. The temperature dropped below zero throughout the planet, chilling the sleek asses of planet gov and, probably frustrating tribesmen and jacks! And killing the mushroom everywhere on the planet)))

Should I say that their chef was not really happy about all that? Still, the slyboots managed to represent all this as the only possible way of solving the problem.

Safe, assured, secure – guaranteed!

Redneck?
No, not really. Sorry))
True DH WH40k?!
Yes, it definitely is, sir!!!