Я не давно не выдержал и зарегистрировался там… и вот буквально сегодня дорвался до статьи What an Idiot. Удивился, возмутился, взялся за редактирование… и обнаружил, что любое несогласие с высказанными в этой статье претензиями рассматривается как Justifying Edits.

По идее, эта статья должна содержать примеры того, как герои художественных произведений совершают поступки эпической глупости. В действительности же не во всех, но в целом ряде случаев, чтобы не выглядеть «идиотами» в глазах авторов, персонажи должны:
* действовать вопреки своим моральным убеждениям
* действовать вопреки своим чувствам по отношению к другим персонажам
* действовать вопреки своим чертам характера вообще
* руководствоваться исключительно рациональными соображениями, всегда и в любой ситуации
* сохранять спокойствие и мгновенно принимать верное решение в любой ситуации
* знать то, чего они не могли знать в принципе
А иногда претензии авторов правок ещё более идиотские, чем действия персонажей.

Примеры? Их есть у меня.

Аватар (Джеймокэмероновский)

There are deposits of unobtainium large enough large enough to float mountains.
You'd Expect: someone would point out that these are probably both larger and easier to get to than the chunk under Home Tree. Since the natives don't notice that the research team is hanging out up there, they apparently all that important to them either.
Instead: No one pays any attention to the fact that there are the equivalent to entire mountains of gold.

Ещё раз: вы предлагаете добывать из летающих скал минерал, который поддерживает эти скалы в воздухе?

Бэтмен (1989 года)

(...) This leads to the helicopter arriving and Joker taking off when Batman ties a gargoyle to his leg.
You'd expect: The Joker to make a signal to the pilot to move to the chapel where the fall wouldn't be dangerous, or simply let go and hang around on the wall for the police to get him.
Instead: He looks stupidly up at the ladder, tries to go along with escaping which causes the gargoyle to pull him down to his death.

Я очень хотел бы посмотреть на то, как автор этой правки пытался бы за считанные секунды принять верное решение с центнером камня на ноге.

Final Destination

In every movie, one of the characters has a Premonition about him/her and his/her friends dying at whatever place they are currently at, the character suggests they should get out of there before they end up killed, and after they get of the place, one of them ends up dead in strange circumstances eventually, and it leads to the main characters trying to cheat death
You'd expect: That our heroes would be careful when using sharp objects, avoid going to risky events, stay indoors, stay off work, ETC ETC
Instead: They do everything but the above.

Дайте вспомнить… Первая жертва в первом фильме умерла в собственном доме, без участия острых предметов, будучи случайно задушенной бельевой верёвкой в ванной. Жертва номер три в том же фильме тоже умерла в своём доме после ранения в шею осколками монитора, взорвавшегося из-за короткого замыкания, вызванного появившейся за секунду до этого трещиной в кружке, стоявшей на мониторе. Даже не спрашивая о том, насколько осмысленно пытаться убежать от бессмертной и всепроникающей сущности, обладающей такой степенью контроля над вероятностью, спрошу лишь: а кто готов, выражаясь буквально и фигурально, не мыться до конца своих дней, причём всё равно, скорее всего, недолгих?

Властелин Колец (фильм)

Also from the The Fellowship of the Ring: At Amon Hen, the Uruk-Hai attack the Fellowship, Merry and Pippin distract the Uruk Hai so that Frodo can escape. Boromir rushes to save Merry and Pippin.
You'd Expect: Boromir to bring his shield to the battle so that he can protect himself. And there could be an Uruk-Hai with a bow and arrow who could shoot at you with a bow and arrow. (Imagine that).
Instead: For some reason, he doesn't bring his shield when he goes to try to save Merry and Pippin, and he eventually gets shot to death by the Uruk-Hai with the bow and arrow, and the Uruk-Hai kidnap Merry and Pippin.

Тут я, может быть, изрядно подзабыл фильм, и я не уверен, насколько он расходится с текстом книги… но у меня сильное ощущение, что автор обвиняет Боромира в том, что он не был готов к бою, которого он не ожидал.

«Особое мнение»

Where a cop who is racing to prevent a murder. He is armed with foreknowledge imagery of the crime, but it stymied when confronted with a row of identical houses.
You'd expect: He would turn out a siren, loudspeaker, or simply shout out that the police were outside of the building.
Instead: He takes several seconds to figure the one detail that was different about the correct house, then quietly races into the building to surprise the murderer.

Насчёт этого фильма у меня в этом и в следующем случае есть сомнения, но предупреждать человека, собирающегося совершить убийство, о том, что у его дома стоит полиция, — мне кажется, это как играть в русскую рулетку, только приставляя револьвер к голове другого человека.

Far more importantly, when that same future-viewing device shows him and several coworkers that he will commit a murder himself, along with a heaping helping of details including the exact time, he runs. I'll grant him that, since the machine saying you will commit a murder is by itself enough to get you arrested and indefinitely cryogenically frozen with apparently no trial. However, what he does next is totally nonsensical.
You'd expect: He would stay the hell away from wherever the murder was supposed to take place, and continue staying away until twenty minutes before it was supposed to happen, then take a taxi over to headquarters and show up three minutes before he's supposed to kill someone in a completely different location and say «Look, I'm here, not killing anyone, and you didn't have to arrest me for me not to kill someone. Therefore I'm not guilty.» Or some variation of the above, the main part being that he avoids doing it and uses the fact that he didn't do it as evidence that he isn't a murderer.
Instead: Convinced this was a plot to frame him, he goes all-out trying to find out who's responsible, committing many illegal acts. When at the end of the time limit he realizes he is standing outside the very building his future victim is in, charges in and confronts the guy, who turns out to just be a very bribed man who then uses Anderton to commit Suicide By Cop. That's right, in trying to prove his innocence he knowingly charges right into the scene of the crime, and nearly commits it. Clearly, he never heard about Self Fulfilling Prophecies. On the other hand, he proves there is no such thing as fate by refusing to kill the man. Not that it works out well for him.

Фиг с ним, с тем, что You Can't Fight Fate. Как главный герой должен был держаться подальше от некоего места, если он не имел ни малейшего понятия о том, что это за место?

X-Men: Первый класс

After successfully preventing the Cuban Missile Crisis from escalating into a full-out nuclear war due to the meddling of a psychotic mutant, mutants are now known to both the Russian and U.S. governments as a powerful force capable of causing hurricanes, flying, blasting people, and lifting an entire submarine out of the ocean!
You'd Think: both sides would see the potential for using these people in combat, especially given that they prevented a full-on nuclear war since the CIA was well-aware of the role that the mutants played in the incident. Or at the very least, acknowledging that these are the last people you'd want to provoke and make angry!
Instead: both sides just see the potential threat presented by these powerful individuals and try to blow them up with missiles. After just seeing one of the mutants lift a submarine with his power!

А почему, собственно, они должны были поступить так, а не иначе?

Звёздные Войны (ох, сколько им там досталось...)

Obi-Wan discovers that Anakin has turned to The Dark Side, fights him and ends with having him without legs and one hand, burning, and sliding into a river of lava. He senses that the Emperor approaches and has no time to climb down the slope to finish Anakin off.
You'd think: That he'd hurl a light saber at him or Force push him into lava, thus granting him a quick death.
Instead: He leaves him to a painful death. And has to deal with the consequences.

Вообще, это очень сложный момент… Что бы вы выбрали: убить человека, рядом с которым вы провели пол-жизни, собственноручно, но быстро, или позволить ему умереть медленно? Я не думаю, что здесь вообще есть однозначно правильный ответ.

Diablo

In the original Diablo, the Lone Wanderer, upon defeating the title Lord of Terror, sees him revert back to a regular man with a weird-looking stone in his head, a stone that is quite obviously a soulstone of sorts for the thing he's just taken out.
You'd Expect: The Lone Wanderer would put two and two together and destroy the stone so Diablo cannot rise in this world again.
Instead: The Lone Wanderer decides to jam the damned thing into his own head in an attempt to contain Diablo's evil within his own body. This leads to him being taken over by Diablo by the time the second game rolls around, and things just get worse from there.

Юмор в том, что уничтожить Камень Души можно было только в одном-единственном месте. Да, мы узнали это только в сиквеле… но и превращение главного героя первой части в демонхоста для Диабло тоже произошло в сиквеле.

Dragon Age

So with that done, Jowan poisons Eamon and he falls ill. Redcliffe now falls into the hands of Isolde.
You'd expect Isolde takes over ruling the arling to the best of her ability.
Instead She sends out all of Redcliffe's knights (all of them) to go find the legendary Urn of Sacred Ashes in the remote hope that it might cure him. This leaves the arling, and especially the castle and nearby village defenseless and at the mercy to whatever malevolent force just happens upon it...such as a demon that has possessed her magically-inept and naive mage son by taking advantage of his own desperate wish to save his father.

Окей, в эту конкретную игру я не играл. Но… эти люди серьёзно предлагают женщине, муж которой умирает, даже не прилагать максимальных усилий, а не прилагать вообще никаких усилий, чтобы спасти его? Да, возможно, так оно было бы и лучше, но…

God Of War:

Zeus has heard a prophecy that his son will overthrow him, just as he did his father, who had overthrown his own father.
You'd Expect: He'd just not have sex, thus eliminating any danger of having a son who might overthrow him.
Instead: He has kids anyway, and instead of simply killing his son as an infant, allows him to grow up. His son eventually does lead a revolt against him. Surprise surprise.

Вот только мы знаем, что отец Зевса, Кронос, уже попробовал именно предложенный вариант.

Metal Gear Solid

When Snake finds the DARPA Chief, the chief tells Snake that Psycho Mantis read his mind in order to figure out the chief's detonation code. But when Snake talks to Kenneth Baker, Baker informs Snake that both he and the DARPA Chief have been fitted with anti-ESP nanomachines, and the terrorists tortured Baker to figure out his code. So how did they get the DARPA Chief's code? They didn't. The Chief Snake met was actually Decoy Octopus, a master of disguise, and Ocelot accidentally killed the real Chief in an interrogation.
You'd Expect Snake to figure out that the terrorists do not, in fact, have the ability to launch a nuke or at least ponder how strange all this is.
Instead Snake, even after seeing a psychic hallucination of what happened to the DARPA Chief before he arrived, doesn't catch on, and proceeds to use the card key he has to activate Metal Gear, since he THOUGHT it was active already but it actually isn't, and now it IS active. And he can't shut off Metal Gear because Liquid climbs into the thing and starts shooting before he gets the chance.

Если честно, я сам когда-то считал, что Снейк должен был разгадать план Фоксхаунда до того, как он включить ракетоносного ОБЧРа для них. Проблема в том, что я сам не разгадал этот план до того самого момента, как маски были сорваны, а карты брошены на стол.

Даже классики не избегли печальной участи.

Shakespeare is not immune to this. At the end of Act 3, Scene 3, Hamlet has just received confirmation that his uncle Claudius did, in fact, kill Hamlet's father. Claudius is in a confessional, alone, praying desperately to God for repentance and mercy. He does not see Hamlet enter, dagger unsheathed, seeing the time ripe to avenge his father's death. Minor hindrance: as a man in prayer, if killed at that instance, Claudius would go to heaven. However, Claudius' prayer is insincere; he cannot feel remorse for his brother's murder.
You'd expect: Hamlet, like the son of a king, would alert Claudius out of his prayer and provoke him to a fight. When Claudius is enraged, swearing, and other damnable things, Hamlet skewers him. Since Hamlet would be King himself if he killed Claudius, it doesn't matter in the least what anyone else thinks, so why doesn't he do it?
Instead: Hamlet reasons that killing Claudius and sending him to heaven is not fair for Claudius killing King Hamlet and sending him to hell. He sits there for a while explaining this out to himself, and then, a Momma's Boy to the very end, he decides he shouldn't keep Queen Gertrude waiting and goes out to meet her. This results directly in Polonius' death, Ophelia's suicide, and, well, you know the rest.

Я вообще должен это комментировать?

In The War Of The Worlds, Ogilvy the astronomer and others witness the arrival of hideous Martians.
You'd Think: They would take the hint and get out of there.
Instead: Ogilvy rallies a group of people to approach the aliens with a white flag and they predictably get vaporized.

Как жаль, что во времена Уэллса не было фильмов о вторжении инопланетян, правда?

Ну и немного из манги:

In Akkan Baby, our 16 year old main characters have no idea what a condom is. Or how to operate a pregnancy test. Or that you don't put futons on the baby.

Окей, из этого я читал всего одну главу… а, собственно, тут есть что-то ненормальное?